RONNIE
Dan, ya gotta listen to me, okay? Real quick. I’m a polygamist, Dan, I have many, many wives, Dan. I have so many wives! I’ve got probably about a hundred wives, Dan, and the government looks down on me! They-they don’t respect me, Dan, because I have, I just have way more wives than is usually allowed and they, they think I’m a freak, Dan, and I’d lose my job, Dan...

DAN
Oh my God, Ronnie, that’s totally crazy-

RONNIE
I know, I know, but, so, that’s why I need to help, I need ya to help me out here. I have a lot of families to get back to, tonight, Dan. I have a lot of kids waiting to be tucked in, and, and they’re-they're scared, Dan, because of the storm they’re all scared, okay?

DAN
Oh, I gotcha, Ronnie. Ronnie, loud and clear, let’s get to work then, Ronnie.

RONNIE
Dan, wait one second, before we start working.

DAN
Okay, Ronnie.

RONNIE
Don’t you think it’s weird that I have so many families, Dan?

DAN
Yes, Ronnie.

RONNIE
But, Dan! Dan, it’s not weird, it’s just different!
In many ways it seems I'm just not a man of my age, Dan...

DAN
Yeah, Ronnie, I don’t know what to think, but you're a great guy and I think we're friends.

RONNIE
We get along great, Dan. To tell ya the truth, though, Dan, a lot of the time I feel I would be much happier livin’ in the Old West or in Medieval Times.

DAN
Yeah?


*you are a t-shirt for my soul,
threadbare and swollen,
you've got it all
tied up*


DAN
Wow, Ronnie, this sure is a weird, is a weird, a kind of strange and magic, uh, job we do...

RONNIE
Nothin' magical about it, Dan, it's just the way things are and, it's the way things have been for a long time, since- Ever since I've been here it's all worked the same way, ya know?

DAN
Sure, Ronnie. Can I see that ball, Ronnie, could I see the orb that fell down?

RONNIE
Dan, you'll have your own orb soon enough and you can look at that, but we gotta hurry, cause I'm really anxious to clock out, Dan, I have to go around to all my families and tuck in all those kids, Dan, it's not so easy...
But it is fun, Dan! Over the years I've learned it can be a source of enormous well-being and internal happiness. With so many kids, I've got the whole process down to about three hours, which is what I thought I'd be able to get it down to.

DAN
Right, okay, so I'll just put the chairs back in starting position here.

RONNIE
Exactly, if you keep up this pace, we'll be out of here in probably five minutes, Dan.